I wrote this poem quite a while ago. I know its nothing but my personal ranting but since I couldn't write for so many days, so I thought to upload at least something for you guys. Hope you will like it. All worst comments are welcome :p
My eyes are brimming with tears
I sink in despair sitting here
I can see snow flakes falling around
Melting as they reach the ground
I am thinking about what you did with me
I confided in you and you lied to me
I gave myself to you and you disowned me
Whenever you called my name I was there
But you always hurt me with your cold stare
You always tried to get me wrong
O God! I thought my love was strong
But I know now,we never really made it
I couldn't bear more my peace being voilated
So I left you to make my life desolated
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24 comments:
Dardnaak muhabbat e dastaan! Sigh every one goes through one of these experiences. Painful while they last - but really help in making you a better judge of human beings.
Whe you started off with "Dardnak" I thought I'm going on high jumps but later comment was sympathetic... lolz
really I feel myself so stupid now... even thinking of these things... but I thought I should know other's point of view on that...
Yes, its all part and parcel of the package called love.
A very nice poem! :)
Thank you Aadil :)
---All worst comments are welcome :p ---
Ok let me do the honours ;)
The worst part is it reminded my old crushes :D
hahaha...
then i will take it as a compliment... :D
hmm, Ive never been through such experience so I do not know if those experiences you mentioned exist in reality. But, I do appreciate desolation, despair and hoplessness as a parcel of this life and I can certainly connect to them, though not through the passage of ishq-e-majazi that you treaded on.
Regarding the technicality of the poem, its another typical cliche-sounding poetry. I am not a poet and my "poetry," if it can be called that, has its own flaws. You can improve, according to my liking, by depicting your feelings in more pictersque ways. just my 2 cents bro.
salam
well thanks for such a criticizing comment... i really love such things in fact, instead of people praising everything everywhere... n I do follow what you are saying... I wrote it long time ago... even when I had no idea of what poetry in fact is... n thats why i said in the beginning that the worst of the comments are appreciated the most... :D
thanks once again...
Was this from personal experiences or from your imagination?
more of a personal one... as i wrote in the beginning Saadia...
strong emotions in simple and straight words,keep it up!
"Shoot for the moon.Even if you miss it you will land among stars"
God that was painful..intense
I read this and at first thought, that poor boy, I'm glad I never had a sad affair like that.
Then I look at my husband, a good man with a fatal weakness, slowly drinking himself to death while I stand by, helpless to save him..
And then I think back 24 years to the country that I had regarded with love as a second home, a possible place to raise my children, retire. I think back to that betrayal that left my husband and my son and my preborn daughters dead, Sikh martyrs. There are many ways to break a heart.
Can feel the pain.
I would return to read the rest of your blog soon, inshallah.
Thank you Daanish... :)
Thanks "Lunatic"
"Mai" No doubt, heart can be fragile in so many ways... and the worst that the damage can't be undone... it surfaces up whenever we see some one else in pain...
"Mampi" thanks for reading and I hope to see you here again.
nice picks nice blog i loved ur tag cloud how did u get tat?
Well "Deep"
its not that complicated ;)
email me and will let ya know...
people..things..events let you down..you can put so much love and effort but it can still leave you deserted but then again it's not always that simple...
Aisha
No doubt "Aisha", no doubt.
But we must keep a positive approach. Everything does happen for a reason.
Ishq ...sigh ..dard 90% 10%khushi wo bhi dard me lipti hui kambakhat ...
very nice I am sure in urdu or hindi the effect wud have come out even better ...did u directly write in english ??just wondering ;)..
Arey haan toh... per abhee hansi aati hay... lolz
yeah it seems like urduish coz I didnt have much experience at that time of english poetry... so jo ata gya likhta gya...
The one good thing about heartbreak is that in brings out the poetry and art from within.The pain fuels our creativity.
I loved this.
:)
Yes very right...
I think all poets fall in love intentionally... guess its better for business business.
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