Monday, December 22, 2008

Sakina - The Maid (II)

If you want to take the full taste of the story, please read the first part of this short story first.

Samuel was looking after the horses of the Malik. He was a skinny, short heighted and bearded boy of age a little less than twenty. She never noticed him earlier but his continuous staring said too much. In the beginning she ignored him totally but he seemed tireless. Whenever she caught him looking at her, he would lower his eyes and pretend to be busy in working on something. She would turn away and smile. She didn’t want her to be that easy target.

One day she got free from the work late in the evening. The dark was falling and while she was walking back to her house across the fields she felt scared. She wrapped around her the large shawl she always carried and noticed that not a single soul was out and the shadows of the trees and bushes were looming here and there. Suddenly the jackals, which were plenty in her village, began to howl ferociously. Their calling spurred the dogs nearby to reciprocate. Out of nowhere, she saw a dog running towards her. She hurried her steps and ultimately had to run. The dog was quick too. She was looking back at the woofing dog and running ahead too, when suddenly she saw the dog halting at its steps. Surprised – she looked ahead and saw a man on a horse coming in front of her. She didn’t recognize him until he got closer.

"Sakina?..... What are you doing here?" He inquired.

Then she realized that it was Samuel.

"I... I... I was going home and this dog........." she couldn’t complete her sentence and began to sob.

"Come on, get over the horse." He commanded her.

She was reluctant as she had never been on a horse before. He helped her in getting on. When she was safe and the feelings of fear began to fade away she felt the sensation which she must have felt when he was holding her and helping her getting on the horse. He escorted her to her home and all through the way she kept looking at him out of the corner of her shawl. At her door step, Samuel saw all of that which he wanted to see in the eyes and on the face of Sakina and Sakina, without saying anything and just blushing, went inside to her mother.

The next day was a new day for her. She formally resigned to Samuel’s advances. They began to spend time whenever they had any. He knew many hidden places in the village and together they found even more where they would sit for hours after the work. It became so frequent and they had become so intimated that a few days before her sixteenth birthday, she discovered that she had been pregnant. The revelation made her faint and she immediately conferred it to Samuel. He was very happy and that made her satisfied too, if not happy. They made plans to work something out.

“Chal mein maan se baat keron ga....abhee itna waqt nehein hooa hay” Samuel hoped.

“Per agar us ne naa ker dee toh?” She made a point.

“Nehein keray gee wo... meray siwa us ka hay he kon Sakina? Aur tu bhee apni ammaan se baat ker aj he”

“Mein? Per mein kaisay.. mujh se nehein ho ga” She refused.

But somehow he managed to make her agree upon the matter. But it wasn’t so simple. Her mother almost died when she told her the whole story and refused to be a part in the sin.

“Aray mooi tera satianaas ho... isi liye mein ne tujhay Kabhee akela nehein chora... bemaar thi per phir bhee tera saya bani rahee per ab kya kerti mein Maula ne meri aik na suni” Her mother scorned her mournfully.

“Maan... ” Sakina tried to explain.

“Aray chup ker ja... agar aik awaz bhee apnay kalay mun se nikali toh zubaan kheench lon gee teri mein... ” She warned her.

Same was the story at Samuel’s end. So finally they decided to run away to nearby city. The thought of a new life with her husband-to-be-lover and that too in a big city made Sakina even forgetful of her seriously ill mother. She packed her meager belongings and left the village with Samuel.

Samuel had a friend, Iqbal living in the city and he had already made an emergency call to him for help before getting on the train. So the immediate issue was settled and they were free to dream while on their way. Samuel was no matter a man of small built but had an attitude of a hulk. He had been working for the Malik since he was eleven. The Malik was very fond of his horses and Samuel over the years had learned the skills needed for a better look after and breeding of the horses. Hence, he was the blue eyed boy of his master. This had given him an excessive pride among the rest of the male servants. His direct access to the Malik gave him a stature of a leader among them. In fact Sakina fantasized for exactly such kind of man who can ascertain his authority over her. She liked to be commanded over. The thought of such a man beside her and the imagination of a future with the same overjoyed her. She was out of her village for the first time and he was telling her all the details about the places passing by, he actually knew about some of them and others he just made up in his mind to impress her. She kept on clinging to his arm and kept on admiring his knowledge while the train drove them towards the city.

The journey from platform to Iqbal’s house was even more thrilling for her. She kept on comparing the big roads and huge buildings alongside, with the only mud-spattered road which lead to their village. However, the house of Iqbal was of a little disappointment to her. It was in a low lying area of the city. The streets were narrow and house itself was more of an ancient two-room ruin in the midst of so many other similar looking houses. But she consoled herself that at least it was not her house. The men slept in one room and resigned the other to her and wife of Iqbal.

The very next morning they went to church and got married. She wore the wedding dress which Malik’s daughter had given her after she had worn it on her Mehndi. It was the happiest day of Sakina’s life. Both the couples went for sailing in the river in the evening and dined out. Later in the night, the newly weds talked about their unborn baby and planned their rest of life revolving around it.

“Samuel mein ne toh naam bhee soch lia hay” She muttered, snuggled in his arms.

“Kya bhala, bata toh sahee”

“Abhee nehein” She smiled. “Per ho ga bohat “modrun” naam us ka jo bhee ho ga... haan”

He giggled and kissed her on her glowing cheek. They slept the closest and saw the sweetest of the dreams together that night.

Continued.....

18 comments:

seher's shenanigans said...

very narrative.
which isnt a bad thing at all.. but as a reader i am hungry for more DIALOGUESSSSS!!!!

but not a bad go...
p.s. i made the same negative with my first novel. i think i was too much of story telling!

Afaque said...

I knew that I put less dialogues and I knew that it will be coming but I just let go... :(
anyway thanks... will improve this point next time...

seher's shenanigans said...

though you should let it flow for the moment and then read it and edit it yourself.
i did too and i make a lot of changes even the.
1st time?

Afaque said...

Yeah sure... in fact I already started doing it... :D

Mampi said...

Hmm
the story is progressing.
dont take too long for the third part now.
There are minor details that you need to take care of. Of course I am no fiction writer myself, but I expect a writer to take care of those things. You skipped the detail on where they were at the end of the story, did they sleep in their own house? I was lost.
I hope it is okay with you to take criticism too. You may delete the comment after reading as it is basically for your eyes. But it is upto you to let it appear on the blog or to delete it. I wont mind if you deleted it.

Afaque said...

Yeah I wont take too long... was busy earlier so that's why couldnt post the 2nd one early...
Yes I am open to ANY kind of criticism... so be open as much as you can... I thought it wasnt mentioned anywhere that they hired or moved to their own home... rather Iqbal refused to let them go... so I thought it was abvious that they were sleeping at Iqbal's house...
But thanks really for pointing out something :)

Ritu said...

Let it flow - narrate it. You can tighten it later. When you edit it - be ruthless

Afaque said...

Yes I have already edited it... hehehe (smarty mari hay mein ne)....
so now its a better version than when Seher read it... :p

seher's shenanigans said...

sigh!!
so you chalaaki maarofied!
interesting :P

utp said...

its headed for commercialization now...but...ok...a writer got a make money too...hehe..

Afaque said...

hahaha...
YEAH...
you got that...
must be better now [wink]

Afaque said...

"UTP"
you are so bad... pehlay khud he log demand kertay hein phir complains.... hehehe

btw thora writer bhee paisay kama le toh kya jata hay ;) [not intended that way thu]

Mampi said...

You are tagged...

snow said...

Liked the 2nd part, but now can't wait for the next one! You are your own best critic, so keep writing/editing till you are satisfied. You write best when you write for yourself, with a passion :) Very good going Afaque.

Afaque said...

Thank you "Snow"
One must always ready for improvement...

tikulicious said...

wah ji I missed out all the fun here it seems ..very interesting ..hmmm ..make it captivating .. it is coming thru well ..onto the next part now ..

Afaque said...

jee...
ap toh lagta hay aj kal rupay ke peechay lagee hein...
on to something big.... huh...?
hehehe...

seher's shenanigans said...

not my novel but a lil story is put up on my eternitycallsus... do check it out! :)